Navigating Health Challenges Post Pandemic

(For algorithmic purposes, my reference to the word “jab” is intentional as opposed to the alternative word.)

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It would seem as though the world is now “out of the woods” as far as the years 2020 – 2022 are concerned, and yet not entirely. I say this because I think most of us could agree that the last few years of our lives has changed us all forever! Some of these changes were extremely positive while other changes have brought hardship and pain into our lives. Hardships that some of us may still even be dealing with to this day. I am one of those people, and I have been dealing with it mostly in silence and on my own. This is my story of what I went through these past few years. Allow me to start from the beginning.

March 2020 – Summer 2021: The world shuts down and goes into lock down on and off. Many lose their jobs, businesses slowed down (unless you’re Walmart), and I stop seeing clients for a vast majority of the year. Perhaps 2 or 3 of my best and most trusted regulars saw me that year. Thankfully I still had a job in the healthcare industry where I was considered an “essential worker”. I still had income but in an expensive city like Toronto, even a healthcare professionals’ income isn’t much in a single person household. I had to rely on what I was getting from that job and dip into my savings account that I worked so hard for a long time. This savings came directly from SW! I was saving up for school so I could finally get into business. I was also saving for a new car. In the end, I ended up needing it to survive during uncertain times. I was sad it was going but extremely glad that I had it at all.

September 2021: I’m freaking out because like many people, I had a big decision to make. Many essential workers were being blackmailed into taking the jab. Yes, that’s right, I call it blackmail! Here is how it was loosely translated in my mind. To me they said, “Get this shiny new jab that just came out within months after the pandemic started! It’s your body so we are giving you a choice but really, you don’t actually have a choice. In fact, if you don’t get it there is a 100% guarantee that you will lose your job. By the way we haven’t had enough time to test it like with most jabs but don’t worry, just watch all these videos of all these doctors and celebrities giving it their 100% approval! They say it’s ok, so just ignore all the other health care professionals that say it’s not. We don’t have any long term data on how it would affect each individual but it’s okay you’ll be just fine if we treat you like 1 size fits all! By the way, if something does happen to you after the jab then we aren’t liable.” …Get the picture?

I couldn’t believe I was given an ultimatum! Either I get the jab, or I lose my job. Jab or job… sounded more like rock or hard place. There was so much uncertainty back then so I couldn’t afford to lose my day/civi job. Like many people, I had no choice but to be an experimental guinea pig to this thing without ever knowing what the long-term effects were going to be. For all we know, our eyeballs could melt out of our skulls in 5 years because of it and we’d never see it coming (no pun intended). I have no problem with getting jabs. I’m far from what people are now calling “anti-jabbers”. I believe that in general they DO work, and they keep us immune to a lot of things we wouldn’t even consider. Afterall, the ones we get growing up had been tested long enough for me to feel safe getting them. My problem was that the government and my place of work would not allow for me to at least wait to see the effects of it in others who willing took the jab without a second thought. They didn’t allow me a chance to wait and see and feel comfortable before I could make my decision. My arm was figuratively being twisted. So, I bit the bullet and I took my first dose. After that, I was home sick for a week and when I came back to work, I didn’t quite feel the same and I never did ever since.

October 2021: It was time for my second dose, and I was nervous. I hated how I felt after the first one but at this point, I just wanted to get it over with. I needed to do what I could to keep my job because there was no telling when there would be another lock down where I’d be forced to stay away from clients in the adult industry again. I was at home sick for yet another week after my second dose. Upon returning to work, I was worse than the last time and I found myself often tired, dizzy and weak. I kept having feelings of the ground rushing so much closer to me somehow while I was still standing. Later on, I hear more and more news reports of people getting blood clots, heart attacks, damage to the nervous system, and even people dying just days, weeks or a few months after getting the jab… Hmm…

January 2022: Only 2 and half months after getting double jabbed, I had caught the blasted virus for the first time. I found it ironic how I was unjabbed for nearly 2 years and never caught it. Yet only months after getting it, I caught it quite easily even though it was supposed to boost and protect my immune system. I caught it at work, in an environment where EVERYBODY GOT THE JAB. How do I know I caught it at work? Well, because I needed to enter the room of a person who had been infected. They were jabbed, I was jabbed, I was dressed in PPE from head to toe and even had someone watching me all day long on a security camera to ensure I put my PPE on and took it off in the correct order and sanitize myself. I stayed 6 feet apart from them. I should have been fine right? WRONG! I still caught it anyway.

So, I took a week off work for the 3rd time in a span of 3 and a half months. This thing hit me really bad. I was always extremely tired and found myself falling asleep at ANY given time. I would knock out sitting at the kitchen table for lunch and wake up and suddenly the sun was setting. My head hurt like a hangover, my body ached while I endured an almost constant fever, lost my once ample appetite and just over all felt really terrible. My throat was sore but thankfully I only had a mild but still very annoying cough. After a week I still didn’t feel well. The fever and flu symptoms were nearly gone but I was still extremely tired and dizzy and felt like I had been running a marathon for days. I got covid sick pay for maybe a week, then I used up all my vacation and sick days being home with this illness. Eventually that all ran out and before I knew it, I hadn’t been to work for over 3 weeks, and I was forced to take an official leave of absence. I was not getting paid a penny for this leave of absence.

Aside from weeks and weeks of extreme fatigue and constant feelings of the ground rushing towards me, my mental health also slowly started to deteriorate. I became overwhelmed with depression, anxiety, confusion and brain fog. I was already dealing with personal issues with my family at the time, so it made matters worse. After doing some research, I discovered that I have a condition that many people have developed after catching the virus because this thing attacks the grey matter of the brain even long after you’ve recovered from it. I couldn’t shake the feeling, and I didn’t know exactly how to seek help. My doctor treated me like my suddenly deteriorating mental health had absolutely nothing to do with the jab. So, it wasn’t taken quite as seriously. She prescribed me some antidepressants which made me feel worse because I slowly started to lose emotions. There were days I couldn’t tell if I was happy or sad and it scared me. After taking them for a few months I stop.

February 2022: As a woman, I of course have to deal with that pesky time of the month. My only problem is that it had gone ballistic just like many women around the world had reported after getting jabbed. It started coming really early and at the most unpredictable times. On top of that the pain was excruciating like nothing I’ve felt in my life. Every month for the next few months was the same story and it was absolutely horrifying to live through. It never got better and kept getting worse every month. What do I do at this point? I slow down dramatically on seeing clients if at all for the rest of winter and leading into spring.

May 2022: I still remember this day like it was yesterday. In the middle of the night, I’m in so much pain and without going into all the gory details, I thought I was going to die or that I may be experiencing a miscarriage somehow. In and out of consciousness, I’m rushed to the hospital. I was there for over 8 hours and after lots of testing, they diagnosed me with an extreme case of non-cancerous tumors called fibroids. I had a small cluster on one side of my pelvic area and a large one the size of a baseball on the other. How on earth did this happen all of a sudden? My family doctor says I most likely had them developing for years but I silently noted that it most likely wouldn’t have been so aggressively active if it wasn’t for the jab I just had half a year prior. I read/heard reports that the jab can progress any underlying issues you may already have. However, the virus could also be said to do the same. Now, we are right back to the fact that I was double jabbed with a 100% doctor recommended guarantee that I’d be safe. My Doctors’ best advice was for me to get a small device inserted inside me to help shrink it. It was something that steadily released enough hormones to stop my monthly visit. This is to cut the tumors’ blood supply so they would shrink and die on their own and pass through my body naturally. I trusted that this sounded like the best course of action.

June 2022: I get the device inserted and horrified at how mislead I was to how painful the procedure would be. I was told to take an advil prior to the procedure and it did absolutely nothing. They should have given me morphine! It was so painful that I felt nauseated and nearly pass out. I’m still relieved that at least I’m doing something about it. I was told I needed to wait a week to be intimate again. I refrained from seeing clients for over 2 weeks instead as I was having a hard time adjusting.

July 2022: Without going into too many details, I’m having a MUCH easier time this month. However, I’m not out of the woods yet and I still feel the fatigue, dizziness, depression and anxiety building. With hormones steadily being introduced to my body, mood swings are at an all time high. At this point after 6 months of being on a leave of absence from my work, I have no choice but to quit my job so I could focus on my health. I was also physically unable to work an 8 – 12 hour job that demanded so much of me as I felt it was draining the life from me. I became even more depressed because it seems now I took the jab too soon for nothing. If I had quit before hand, I would not have been in that room that day with a sick person and gotten sick myself.

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As the months go by, I’m physically starting to feel better and my monthly slowed to a near halt giving me some great relief! I’m able to see more clients again! Sadly, my mental health had not improved but I was still trying my best! The last 6 months of 2022 was a blur of rollercoaster like emotions, but I hung in there! Enter 2023, the year I finally began to see and feel change.

At some point between the end of 2022 and the beginning of 2023, one of my top favourite clients chose to stop seeing me and it was most certainly my fault! He was a very dear client who had become a very dear friend during every session he booked. He supported me profoundly and we always had amazing dates together! However… with everything I was going through at the time, I found it extremely difficult to put my personal life aside and show up on time. I would run extremely late and come up with excuses so I wouldn’t have to tell him what was really going on with me. Eventually, I had to understand and respect that he valued his time and as much as he’d always appreciate our connection, he had to move on. It was that right there. That moment was when I had some how been proverbially slapped in the face and I really had to look in the mirror and ask myself. “Melissa… what are you DOING? What have you allowed your sickness to make you become?”

I genuinely felt bad for letting someone down because I didn’t fight hard enough not only for them but for myself! Why on earth did I feel like I could just stop being myself? Stop being the person I’ve always strived to be? Someone kind and sweet, yet sassy and funny. Someone honest almost to a fault. That’s me, so why did I feel so out of place in my own skin? I couldn’t figure it out, but I wanted badly to move on and move up. After feeling sad about the gent that had to go, I silently thanked him not only for booking me and supporting as long as he did and through every rate increase, but for ultimately teaching me a lesson in life I truly had to learn. It wasn’t necessarily that I had lost his business… it was because I felt like I let someone down that was depending on me and rooting for me and was patient with me. He absolutely deserved better, I also deserved better of myself and I’m sure there were a lot of other people who deserved better along the way who were also affected by me. I began setting new goals and making a lot of necessary changes.

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June 2023: Now available again, I went on tour and had a blast! I was happy to be travelling again because lord knows I needed it after everything I went through! Suddenly, in the very last city, during my very last booking, in the very last 30 minutes of our date, I’m struck with immense pain! This gent booked me for 6 hours, so I did not want to disappoint him especially right at the end! I didn’t want it to seem like I was coming up with an excuse to end our long date early. So I endured the pain for what seemed like the longest 30 minutes of my life. I endured with a smile on my face and a tear that never spilled from my eye. I refused to give him less than a perfect experience and it cost me great pain in return. Thank GOD it happened towards the end and not halfway through! By the time the date had ended, I was shaking and suffered a few more hours of pain before finally managing to fall sleep. The next day the pain had subsided enough, and I flew back home to Toronto.

July 1, 2023: A few days later, it’s Canada Day and I’m preparing to meet up with friends and family to go see fireworks. The second I park my car at my friends building, I’m hit with a wave of pain (yet again…) and really bad nausea. I felt so sick that it took me 20 minutes of steady breaths to drag myself out of my car. I ran to their place and to the washroom and that’s when hell broke loose. After a year of implantation, my device had ripped out of my body on its own which was supposed to be impossible. Screw the fireworks… I was immediately rushed to the hospital. They did another ultrasound, and more testing and I was anxious to see how much it had shrunk by now. They told me it hadn’t shrunk at all. Instead, it had grown to almost the size of a grapefruit! I felt sick to my stomach. After all this time there had been no improvement?? Seriously?? I was absolutely devastated.

Around this time, I finally got back on twitter and decided to be vulnerable and come out about my experience. I was tired of coming up with excuses for always being late to play parties, appointments, or not answering my phone consistently. I was tired of pretending I was always okay when I was actually suffering through something I never saw coming. I was tired of suffering in silence and thinking I could get through it on my own without anyone knowing when I clearly needed help. I was terrified of putting something so personal out there. Kind of like how I feel now writing this blog. I felt that I had to do this though. I did not want anyone’s sympathy, just understanding. I needed to explain what was going on in the hopes that some would understand to just have some patience with me as I get through this. I was extremely happy to see the large amount of love and support I received! To this present day I’m still thankful to all those who reached out and the few who are STILL reaching out to this day to check on me (Thank you Mr. A and Mr. P! It doesn’t go unnoticed!) This was certainly near the top of the list of hardest things I’ve ever had to endure! I didn’t want to quit now!

Mid-July 2023: After visiting my family doctor, I got referred to a specialist that was finally going to give me some answers and a new treatment plan for my issue. They offered a different kind of implant this time but I’m too traumatized now to put another device in my body. When they booked my specialist, I’m devastated that I have to wait until mid-October for my appointment! At this point I’m also trying to stay vigilant in working on my mental health and I find that it’s helping me a lot!

The rest of Summer 2023: My summer is a write off! I’m currently not on any treatments anymore and my body is dealing with the sudden lack of hormones because my device is suddenly gone. I’m now back to unpredictable pain and I can’t work anymore! I couldn’t even get a day job if I wanted to because I knew I would have to call in sick frequently. I couldn’t afford to have an inflexible schedule. Without being left any choice, I stopped posting ads and started living off my savings again. If I felt physically well enough, I would see one of my regulars and ONLY saw someone new if they were extremely easy/straight forward with screening, paid a deposit and booked well enough in advance. At this point I could only manage 1 booking a week if at all. I had to regrettably turn away many bookings, so I didn’t put too much stress on my body. I lost so many bookings during a time when other providers were complaining to be slow. I was lucky to be getting so many inquiries but couldn’t successfully book a lot of them and it was absolutely depressing. There were so many inquiries I just couldn't answer them anymore. So, I didn’t. I turned off my phone. I felt bad for doing so but I knew that I had to put my health first.

September 2023: I’m in the hospital again! I’m in pain and I’m scared because from the moment I registered to the moment I left I was neglected and treated dismissively. I was tired of being in the hospital all the time because there was never anything they could do. All they could do was give me morphine for the pain, an ultrasound and blood tests. At the end of each visit, they’d re-diagnose me with the same issue I’ve had all year and tell me I need to see a specialist. No shit… I’m still waiting for one. I’m even on a waiting list in case someone cancels and I still can’t get my appointment moved up. One doctor once walked in and said, “Hey did you know you have fibroids?” It was literally the first thing I told the nurse when I walked in. The ER doctor stared at me in a way that told me that he really wanted to shrug his shoulders because there was literally nothing he could do beyond easing my pain and testing to find out the source of my problem. He told me that my best bet was to see my specialist and so I was sent home with no resolution and a prescription for extra strength Advil… The wait continues. Still can’t really see many clients and eventually I stop paying some of my bills…

October 12, 2023: It’s an emotional day for me because after waiting for almost 4 months I finally see the specialist! I had to do an extremely painful test, I had to get blood work, and I’m put on a new treatment plan that will put my body in a temporary state of complete menopause. After everything I’ve been through it sounded like bliss. The downside? One portion of my treatments cost $1,500 every other month and the second portion of my treatments cost $265 every month. Aside from the dig to my pockets, the risk of these treatments are as follows: weakened bones, fatigue, mood swings from hormonal changes, dizziness, weakness, hot flashes, loss of appetite, gain in appetite, the list goes on. They told me because it weakens my bones, I can’t be on this treatment for more than 18 months. The ultimate goal is to shrink my tumors by cutting off their blood supply. Once that is achieved it will be safe enough for me to have surgery performed to remove them without harming my chances of conceiving children in the future. It's a scary thought to live with because I don’t have any kids yet, but I agree to the treatment because at the end of the day I just want to be well and my condition is affecting my life far too much at this point.

November 2023: I cut off 2 people in my life who were very important to me. One outside of this industry, and one from within it. As the saying goes, “You can’t heal in a toxic environment.” So, I did what I had to do and I am doing so much better mentally as a result! I felt like I had been set free and given permission to start again. Mentally I’m starting to grow and become stronger again! I didn’t realize at the time how much they were holding me back and all the things they were doing wrong to me and to others around them. Cutting them off was an amazing change to my mental health.

January 2024: It is now 2 years that I’ve been going through this. After a lot of trial and tribulation I finally have an appointment set to speak to a surgeon about my options. Once again is that I’m put on a waiting list.

March 2024: I later discover that I was put on a waiting list of a general surgeon and not a surgeon specializing in performing my specific type of surgery. I get taken off that waiting list and put on a new list to see this specialized surgeon. Surprise, surprise, I’m waiting for months once again and my appointment isn’t until July.

Spring 2024: I’ve been on my new treatment plan for a while now and I’m physically well enough to see more clients though I still must maintain a lower volume. Instead of seeing as many as I can, I set a cap for each day/week. I’m grateful to all those who supported me behind the scenes and helped me pay for medications or a few bills while I was unable to work. I will always be grateful for their help! I’m not operating at 100% but it was the best I had felt since this whole thing began!

July 2024: I finally speak with my surgeon! This appointment has given me the most hope yet! They went over many different options but we settled on one that was right for me. I’m going to have a surgical scar on my stomach for the rest of my life, but I honestly don’t care as long as I come out healthy and back to myself again before this all started. I’ll have my normal bodily functions back, I’ll have my energy back, I’ll be pain free again, I’ll have more balanced emotions, and I’ll be able to properly lose the hormonal weight I keep gaining due to my treatments. I’m excited for all of this!

We have yet to determine an exact date because we need to ensure my body is prepared to even undergo surgery. I get more blood work, and I’m taking more supplements and continuing my treatments. The surgeon predicts I may have surgery within the next 4 – 6 months from now. Between November – January is when we aim to have the procedure considering that I’m once again being put on a waitlist aside from all the prep work. After surgery I’m told it will take 12 weeks to completely heal. They said that even if I feel 100% fine after 6 weeks, I still need to give my body at least the full 12 weeks. This means that at some point either at the end of this year or the beginning of the next, I will be away on a medical hiatus and returning in the spring/summer of 2025 (hopefully).

September 2024 (Present): As it stands, I only have a few months left to see all my lovers and friends before I have to leave to finally end this 2 year battle once and for all! I feel both relief that there is an end in sight and also sad that I will miss all my friends and that I’ll have to mostly live off my savings again. During my healing process and when I’m good and ready I will be turning to more virtual ventures so I can cater to those who miss me while I’m on hiatus and not taking physical bookings.

I’m both scared and excited for this next step. I don’t know what to expect but I have full faith and confidence that everything is going to be alright. I’m going to get my life and my health back! I’m going to have my energy back and be more mindful of my overall well being. I’m only 31 so when this all began when I was 29, I didn’t think that I’d have to battle with my health at such a young age. Going through hardships like this showed me that anything can happen to anyone at anytime and I am not exempt from that fact. Most of us, before our 30’s, take our youth for granted and think that we can do anything we want.

Although I have my own personal suspicions that the jab triggered and changed the course of my health, I must still take some responsibility and own up to the fact that perhaps I could have also taken better care of myself as well. Perhaps I could’ve stopped stuffing my face with junk and kept with a regular gym routine. I definitely could have also made better decisions on my part but this reflection isn’t to beat myself up. It’s to show myself that I can do better this time and not to take my good health for granted. I have learned to prioritize my health and well-being more consciously. The pandemic prompted a reevaluation of lifestyle choices, underscoring the importance of both mental and physical health. Also, investing time into self-care practices such as mindfulness, regular exercise, and nutrition became essential components of my recovery and resilience. This emphasis on holistic health can significantly influence our ability to cope with adversity, highlighting that we absolutely must take better care of ourselves in order to effectively support those around us. Aside from having a fit and sexy body, I now have a much greater purpose for maintaining a healthy lifestyle. I don’t want to go through what I’ve been going through again or at the very least not for a very long while into my old age. I’m looking forward to this next chapter in my journey. I have made a lot of mental and physical changes to get to this point and I can’t wait to see the result of my good hard fight in the very end!

Reflecting on my health journey throughout the pandemic, it has become evident that this period has been one marked by immense challenges, but also by profound growth and understanding. As I navigated a landscape filled with uncertainty and fear, I learned that resilience is not just about enduring hardships but also about adapting and emerging stronger. The experiences I encountered reminded me that struggles, whether physical or emotional, can ultimately serve as gateways to deeper self-discovery and strength.

Thank you again to everyone who was concerned, to everyone who continuously checks for me, to those who book me and those who just donate a little here and there to help me. Thanks to everyone for their patience, support and for even giving a damn. Thanks for reading my story. I appreciate you all very much! I want to take the time to also encourage others facing similar challenges to harness their inner strength and seek the support they need so that like me, they can look forward to brighter days ahead!