How To Turn A Woman On Before You Touch Her Body

I’ve seen it before. The man is suddenly horny, and because he’s horny he believes his partner will be instantly throbbing for him the moment he grabs her body. He thinks, “All I have to do is feel her up to turn her on because that’s what would turn ME on at any given moment!” I can already hear the sound of thousands of bubbles bursting when I give you this News Flash! YOU are a man, and SHE is a woman. What turns you on at a moments notice isn’t going to turn her on! In fact, you may end up doing the exact opposite and turn her completely off by being too grabby! She will be upset, and you will be left angry holding your blue balls and confused as to what the hell you did wrong NOW! Or… you may be asking, “Why won’t she be intimate with me? I try to initiate sex, and I even offer to go down on her first to show her I want to prioritize her pleasure first... so why can’t I get her hot for me?” Well, perhaps you are prioritizing the wrong things for HER. When you act like that, you are doing it for your pleasure and not for hers! Think about that for just a moment!

This is in no way an attack on all men, I promise! Actually, I’m about to give you some tough love and let you in on how you can turn things around! I will start with the title of this book, “Why Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget.” Written by Marianne J. Legato. It has changed my entire perspective on men and women and how we interact with one another. She explains not only how our brains are chemically different, but they are also physically structured differently as well. If we were meant to be built the same, then we wouldn’t have 2 different genders (for the sake of this blog I prefer identifying only 2 genders the way humans always have throughout history). We are not meant to be the same, and our polar opposition is the reason humans are able to survive, thrive and evolve. I will paraphrase my favourite example from this book in regards to our differences:

Say a man and a woman are in a heated argument. At the end of the argument, the man has already moved on to something else. He’s probably watching the game or thinking about work the next day. Meanwhile, after the argument the woman’s mind has not moved on. In fact, she’s still thinking about all the hurtful things said, how he made her feel, whether or not the argument was resolved and if she felt that it wasn’t then she will probably go on upset for the rest of the day. The man, already forgetting the argument will later ask her what’s wrong. The woman, remembering everything vividly and realising that the man doesn’t even seem concerned about what happened just an hour ago, will be livid! Why? Well, because he had the nerve to ask what was wrong when to her, it was so obvious what was wrong! They were just at each others throats not that long ago! As a result, the woman will say, “It’s nothing...” Then she will pout and give the silent treatment because to her he doesn’t care anyway so what’s the point? Thus, the title, “Why Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget.” Our brains are simply wired the way they are and it’s up to us to figure out how to understand and utilize our strengths and weaknesses together in order to harmoniously succeed in life.

So, what does this have to do with turning a woman on? PLENTY! If you take the time to develop a better understanding of how women are so much more different than you as a man, then you may open up a world of possibilities with women than you ever thought possible!

Lucky for you, I’m here to let you in on a not so secret, secret. Why is it not a secret? In my opinion, women are usually pretty vocal about what they want in a man because we’ve been dreaming about our prince charming since childhood! “I want a man that’s successful… I want a man that takes the lead… I want a man with a good sense of humor… I want a man that treats me like his princess…” I’m sure this all sounds familiar to you right? It’s not like we never told you before but sadly it is too often that we aren’t being taken seriously or our thoughts and feelings are dismissed. I personally think these things get dismissed because these are not the qualities men look for in women. Again, I must stress that men and women are different and that means the qualities we look for in one another will be different!

When a woman feels ignored and invalidated, she shuts down and stops being vocal about what’s bothering her. When a woman does not feel loved, cared for, considered, secure and protected, the last thing on her mind is physical pleasure. Especially if you sir, are the source and cause of such feelings! Men are raised to supress their emotions because it’s too “feminine” to express yourself. You’re told all your life to suck it up and man up and now you have a lot of emotions inside that you don’t know how to deal with. So, when a woman is doing exactly that, he doesn’t know what to do with it or how to handle it. As a result, his brain starts to go into panic mode with the primary goal being to stop or supress whatever negative emotion it is that she’s expressing. Suppressing his own emotions seem to work for him so he will try to supress hers, not to be malicious but because that’s the only way he knows how. Men will think “How do I make this stop? What can I do/say to make this go away?” Instead of, “What is the problem and what does she need from me?” or “What can I do to help/resolve the issue?” When a man is just temporarily going through the motions simply to make it stop instead of tackling the issue head on, it is just a temporary bandaid which will only serve to make things worse later!

Once you’ve done and said the thing you felt she wanted to see or hear what does your mind do? You’re a man, so you’re going to forget all about it and move on to the next thing. What happens when you forget a promise or a commitment or you revert right back to old habits? The woman who did not forget feels ignored, not validated and worst of all she feels like you don’t even care. Especially when you ask her once again “What’s wrong?” and she has to tell you AGAIN for the seventh time! How on earth is a woman supposed to feel hot for you when a cycle like this keeps repeating itself? How is she supposed to feel turned on by someone she feels doesn’t care enough for her or that her feelings aren’t important enough to bother? Before you know it it’s been weeks, months or even years since she last touched you intimately.

When a woman becomes fed up with a man who isn’t attentive, caring or getting a damn thing done, she puts on her own pair of pants, grows a pair of balls and develops an “I don’t need a man mentality.” When a man isn’t taking enough action and getting shit done, it creates more and more masculine women who feel they’ve had no choice because it’s a mans world after all and they have to survive in it right? “If he can’t do this for me then I have to get it done myself.” Soon enough she become bitter, and she is filled with talk of “All men are this and all men are that!” It doesn’t have to be this way though. As long as you have a willingness to be mindful and aware of yourself and a desire to make her happy it is actually quite easy to turn her on.

Now, what happens when you finally DO make it to the bedroom? I didn’t want to just leave you with the “before you touch her” and leave you utterly clueless as what to do after when you finally score! So, there are 2 things you must do and understand:

1. FORGET EVERYTHING YOU LEARNED FROM PORN!

2. DON’T RUSH AND TAKE YOUR TIME!

Again, you want to be that unicorn that she can’t seem to figure out as to why you’re so different from the pack. Let’s talk about why these 2 things are important.

Don’t get me wrong, porn is great! It’s hot, wild and you can find any fantasy you like on there. It visually aides and/or satisfies our primal urges and even gives a few ideas to spice things up in the bedroom! However, porn caters more to men than it does to women. It may turn us on in the moment while watching it, but in real life many women aren’t turned on by a good chunk of the things people are doing in it. The only thing a woman will probably focus on is the cock because we are picturing how it must feel if it were us in the actress’ place. Men by nature, are more aggressive and this can sometimes show up in their sexual urges. In porn, you see this behaviour blatantly. The women are treated like they are only holes, they get disrespected, treated cruelly, they are man handled, slapped and pounded like animals. They get fingered hard, pulled, squeezed, twisted and slapped clean across the face and the women seem to enjoy it very much! Mind you, some women like this a lot but you have to communicate and agree that the hardcore pounding is what you both mutually desire. If you just assume that all women like being handled like a pornstar as soon as you lay in the sheets, her pussy will be drier than overly sanitized hands and there will be no getting her wet! I can remember getting eaten out once and right as I was about to orgasm, the guy swiftly slapped me on the face. My orgasm disappeared and was replaced by shock and then anger immediately after! I knew instantly that he watched wayyyy too much porn and there was just no turning me back on after that!

You have to remember… porn is just entertainment! It is NOT sex education or “How to please a woman 101.” They are acting and you’d be surprised how many of them didn’t actually enjoy the sex at all but they sure as hell acted like it! You’d be surprised that her pussy was never actually that wet and that in between scenes they had to pump her full of lube. Sorry to ruin the movie magic for you but it’s true! (There are exceptions to every rule of course. Some of these actresses aren’t acting and do enjoy it!) Therefore, I advise not bringing porn type sex into the bedroom unless you both agree that’s what you want. Which leads me to point #2. Take your time and take it slow! There is absolutely no rush to the finish line because for starters, why would you want to finish so fast anyway? This is why men get teased for not lasting long because there is a lack of foreplay and then after a few pumps you’re done. I promise you if you make her wet and make her cum before you put it in her she won’t care as much that you came in 5 minutes because she has already been thoroughly satisfied! Just don’t cum so fast ALL the time though! If you feel like you’re about to then try to control and steady your breathing and pull out and tease her body again before you put it back in! This may take practice!

When you finally get to the point of having access to her body, it’s important not to touch any of her private parts right away. I know you want to SO badly but hear me out! Most men will tear her clothes off, grab her ass and try to shove a finger inside her and think that will turn her on (again, because of porn). If you can control your urges even with her consensually giving you her body, she will become very turned on. She will be wondering how on earth you can have so much restraint with the bounty laid out before you. Trust me this is very hot to a woman!

Here are some general pointers. Remembering not to shove your tongue in her mouth right away, start by placing gentle kisses on her lips. Caress her waist and her back as you kiss her neck, her shoulders and collar bone. This will have her breathless! Move your hands to her lower back and rub small circles there but for the love of god DO NOT grab her ass just yet! She WILL take notice of this and her body will beg for you to grab her! She may even move your hand down there herself! Taking it slow and avoiding her private parts for long enough will drive her crazy and leave her wanting more! She may even end up being the one to try to rush you at this point but don’t give in! Hang in there! Remember self control! I can’t stress this enough! Deny her advances to rush you because this is your chance to show her what a gentleman you are even in the heat of passion! Tell her that she is far too beautiful to rush and you just want to take your time exploring her. Remind her that there’s no rush and that you want to savour every inch of her. She may protest just a little but she will quickly give in because no man has ever treated her with such attentive care and respect before! She will feel like the center of your world!

After kissing and caressing her, work your way down and lick her breasts but NOT the nipples! Not yet at least. Most men don’t know that a woman’s body can feel pleasure in more places than just her tits, ass and pussy. Her entire body is filled with other erogenous zones if you can take the time to find them all. The entire breast is sensitive, so it will please her if you slowly and ever so gently lick around her breasts while you run your fingers gently across her stomach and her arms. Feather light touches can sometimes make a far more powerful impact than aggressive rubbing and kneading. Always START with feather light and gentle touches. If you lick her, always start with feather light licking and slowly build up the pressure and intensity. Once you finish licking one breast, flick her nipples gently with your tongue and then suck! After a few seconds repeat these steps with her other breast (Never forget to do both sides!). Kiss down her body, and when you get to her now wet pussy, tease her by licking and nibbling her inner thighs, around her hips, lower tummy and those creases between where her pussy lips meet her thighs. Tease her but take your time getting to the center. Her body will be begging to reach your goal already! When you lick her pussy, GENTLY graze the slit of those lips with your tongue. Gently suck and slightly pull on each lip and lightly lick up that slit without parting it.

Once your tongue finally does part her lips, it is extremely important to find and focus mostly on her clit. Sticking your tongue inside may feel nice sometimes but 9x out of 10 when a woman wants her pussy licked, she wants you to focus on and around her clit! There is also no need to eat her wildly like you’re the cookie monster. Doing that only gets YOU excited and you end up losing focus and you also end up losing the very spot you were working on that had been building her orgasm! Just calm down and lick and suck her like you’re enjoying and savouring a 5 star meal! If her legs start closing, for the love of god please LET THEM! Forcing them as wide open as possible (like in porn) will only cause you to fight against the natural way her body orgasms. This is why you end up licking forever, she can’t seem to cum and then your tongue gets tired. It’s because you’re fighting her body against an upcoming orgasm instead of letting her body flow into it the way it’s naturally supposed to! Some women are ok with and like their legs spread open and that’s ok. Her body won’t push against you if that’s the case but again, if her legs are forcefully closing do not force them open! I think this is also very important to remember. Overall, you must remember to start soft and gentle and work your way up to more firm pressure when touching, licking and sucking! Do not use your teeth unless she asks! If you can do most or all of these things, then she will be practically begging for you to penetrate her and fill her up with all the pleasure you can possibly give her!

You’re not going to be an expert over night. It definitely takes practice, self awareness, and lots of intent behind your every action. You don’t need to be perfect, but effort both in and out of the bedroom absolutely goes a very long way! One thing I haven’t mentioned is confidence! This is important too because a woman isn’t going to be sure of a man who isn’t sure of himself! Be confident in yourself and if you’re not sure if you’re getting it right, don’t be afraid to ask! Asking doesn’t make you weak, it shows a woman that you care and really want to get it right! If you can remember most of what I told you today, then I can see you being a the kind of man that women (or YOUR woman) just can’t get enough of in no time! I assure you if you can keep what I told you today in mind, you will be an expert at turning a woman on long before you ever touch her body in no time!

The first thing you need to remember once again is that men and women are complete opposites. That means if you’re looking for a woman who thinks and acts exactly like you then I’m sorry to tell you that you are in fact looking for a man or a masculine woman at best. This is one of a handful of reasons that women have become so masculine and aggressive in today’s day and age. Men are constantly expecting women to be more like them and it’s not biologically possible. Our brains are not hardwired like that. What turns a woman on isn’t always going to be the same as what turns a man on. Men are very easy to turn on because they are very visual and society is more accepting of his primal urges. They see something they like and they are hot and ready almost instantly! Women on the other hand? Sure, we like a nice visual but what really makes us turned on are our needs being met and feeling secure emotionally, physically and financially. Think about it, if you feel anxious or stressed out is it easy for you to still get hard or even orgasm? I’m willing to bet that 8x out of 10 it’s not easy. So, if a womans needs aren’t being met, then she is stressed out and if she’s stressed out then sex and intimacy are the LAST thing on her mind. Feeling her up when she’s in this state will naturally only infuriate her.

Women are naturally attracted to men who take charge, get things done, don’t complain, make excuses and are always concerned for her needs and well being. I will repeat this again and again; feeling cared for, respected and adored by a man that is attentive and giving makes us happy! It makes us feel safe and loved and when we are put at ease in this particular way it is very easy to get us turned on. These things may not turn YOU on sir, but I’ll remind you again and again that you are a man and it’s not supposed to! Men have been trying for years to get women to stop having the natural need for security and start having more physical needs like them. If men and women were the same, nothing would get done. Being opposite and bringing something different to the table is what makes us all flourish! Battling against each other to see who is the better sex isn’t what makes us thrive! Imagine if cave men looked for cave women that were exceptional hunters just like them. There will be a bunch of unfed, unprotected and self raised cave children left all alone right? Or what if cave women looked for cave men who were just like them and stayed home with the children. The entire family would either starve to death or be eaten alive by some predator because the cave man could neither hunt nor fight and protect his family. Do you see where I’m getting at here?

With that being said, turning a woman on starts with mental and emotional stimulation. Trying to get to know her and actually being interested in her thoughts and feelings goes a long way! Women also naturally submit to a man who is masculine and dominant. Being dominant does not mean being bossy, aggressive and sitting on your ass waiting for her to cater to you simply because you have a penis and a Y chromosone. Being masculine and dominant is being a leader and taking charge, stepping up, staying true to your word and getting off your ass to put in the work necessary to accomplish any goal set before you! If you think about it, why would a woman ever complain about a man making an actual effort and producing results more times than not? When you pair the things you do for her with genuine caring, and you make her feel beautiful and adored, I guarantee that before you ever touch her skin she will be thinking of you and she will always aim to show and tell you how much she appreciates you! To us, a man that doesn’t complain is sexy. A man who gets shit done is sexy. A man that isn’t afraid to spend money on his lady is sexy. A man who offers to help is sexy. A man who acts like a gentleman is fucking sexy. A man who is well groomed and has impeccable hygiene is so damn sexy! If this is the kind of man you are then women will be swooning for you!

Now, here is one mistake A LOT of men are making these days which end up turning women right off. Being obsessive, thirsty, and prioritizing her body, physical pleasure and the possibility of sex with her. Making it painfully obvious that you are horny will have her looking at you like a simp that can’t keep it in his pants. Being overly interested is a turn off because the desperation makes it seem like you have a hard time getting women… If you have a hard time getting women then you are certainly not a prize nor do you come across as experienced in life or in bed. It makes you seem like a horny teenager that will cum at the sight of a tit and a half. Trying too hard to get a girl to notice you and making it obvious that you’re horny for her body without laying down any sort of groundwork is and instant turn off! It shows a lack of self control, and no woman wants a man that can’t control himself. If a man cannot control himself then he cannot take charge and lead because he’s easily distracted and overcome by the most trivial things and expects instant gratification over putting in work. It also comes across as a sign of immaturity and a lack of intelligence because you appear to be totally ruled by your most primal instincts.

On the flip side, a man that is respectful, shows self control and can hold a normal conversation without it getting sexual will always turn a woman on. Believe it or not, women are so used to walking outside and getting hit on by every man that lays eyes on her. These same men feel like she should smile and feel honoured by his compliments because if it were him getting cat calls all day it would make him feel like the MAN. Once again, she doesn’t want to feel like the MAN because… well… she’s NOT! As a result of all this constant attention we get, getting sex has become far too easy and boring! There is no chase or challenge. It’s like winning the prize without the satisfaction of playing the game! Sex then loses it’s luster, the demand for cock goes down and the sales for sex toys go up!

However, a man that does not show sexual interest (even if deep down he’s interested), is a unicorn among the pack in her eyes. At the end of the conversation the not so forgetful woman is still thinking about him and wondering if he likes her or if he finds her attractive because he did not let on as much. We wonder why he’s not like other men panting like dogs at the sight of a little leg. When we are so used to obsessive male attention, we most certainly notice when we are NOT getting attention! We can’t stop thinking about a guy like that. In fact, we can’t wait until the next time we see him so that we could put a little more effort into attracting him. We start planning what to wear to get him to notice us. We might even start secretly fantasizing what he might be like in bed! When we see him again and he still has control of himself, the conversations are meaningful and he shows an interest in her mind and her needs over her body, then a woman would be absolute putty in that man’s hands! The mental and emotional stimulation paired with a mans self control and command of himself is the key to turning her on before you close those bedroom doors.